Letting Go
The days are passing slowly. I know, I have counted them one by one. Every day thoughts of you fill my mind. From the moment I wake with the rising of the sun to the moment I find peaceful slumber under the ever changing moon.I find myself ashamed to admit how often your face appears within my dreams. Ashamed that you may think me eccentric for chasing after such wild fantasies. Within my thoughts I flip through the memories, your smiling face, the way your eyes shone when the light hit them just right. Like a distant memory I hear your laughter and your voice whisper my name. Then just as quickly as you came into my life, it fades…
I wish I could find the perfect words and place them in your hands, just so you could truly know how much I really did love you. There is this pain tearing me apart inside just knowing that this is another, so close, yet so far away. I have gone on with this small hope, this one maybe that someway, somehow, this could be. But it can’t, can it? I’ve denied myself the truth long enough. I’ve left myself blinded by all my desires that I never allowed myself to see any further than this one dream.
There is a place and time for everything. Things are meant to happen for a reason when and where they do. Perhaps you were one of these things. A soul destined to find a way into my heart, a person I was meant to love, a hand needed to embrace my own, until I found my way and was willing to let go.
As the hours grow late, it seems I can always look into my hand and find a picture of you there, my fingers gently caressing your face. Even if now, this is the only comfort I can find within your touch. It is hard. This constant yearning, the longing that only deepens day by day. All I wanted was to hold you again. To feel the warmth of your breath upon my cheek, to run my fingers through your hair as you draw me close. Yet now it is nothing more than another dream, the ones that bring tears to my eyes, only to find that when I wake, I truly was weeping while I slept. So real they seem, yet so does your touch, even if I only did actually feel it for just a few short days.
Even now, I wonder if this was all worthwhile. The heartache, the pain. I ask myself if I should have even let you into my life. After all I had been hurt many times before, so why bare myself to another wound. I hold that thought. You never caused me a bit of pain, you were always there to help me up when I would falter, unable to stand. Then I realize that I have no one to blame but myself. Me, this silly girl… always chasing after even sillier dreams.
It is time I turn this dream aside. No matter how much I wish it to be, it will never come true. There was a place and a time, but it isn’t for me and you. I have tell myself that and I must let go. Too long have I suffered by my own hand, by my own desires that kept me from seeing everything and everyone else around me. I was always traveling down this road in life with anticipation that if I walked long enough, you would eventually come in stride along my side. I was always afraid to look, yet now, at the end of the path, I shall no longer need to worry. I have looked, you are not there. I am here, alone, left with a broken dream. Yet, though now, when I am letting go, and leaving you behind, I have at last found what it was I was looking for all along. As I take one step forward, towards this new journey, I can at last feel your touch, as your hand falls away from mine. A bit of reassurance for this new day ahead and a reminder that though distance was harsh, you have been here with me, all of this time.
Mood:
DejectedLabels: Save
contemplated existance at 2:04 PM
